>Suicide is stupid

4 thoughts on “>Suicide is stupid”

  1. >What a great post, and I agree with oh-so-much of this. I speak as someone who was bullied viciously in high school, primarily because I had an accent and couldn't speak English all that well. I survived. I'm glad I didn't hurt my family and friends so badly by taking my own life, without thinking about those who would have to survive it. But I look back and think that those people who bullied me DID take away a huge part of my life. They owe me years of suffering, and a life that was a lot harder than it should have been because of all the baggage I carried and all the damage they did. In movies you always see those tearful apologies: they last all of a minute and we're led to believe the bully is then relieved of his responsibility to his victim. But the damage of bullying does not end in a minute; it doesn't end after the victim gets home; it doesn't end after high school is over; and it certainly doesn't end after a two minute apology. It doesn't end. Period. The damage is permanent, even many pills later and many counseling session later. If one of the bullies from high school comes ask for my forgiveness, please don't. The best you can do for me is pretend you never existed. If you regret it, that's your tough luck. Live with it, as I had to live with your bullying of me. You're a monster. You always will be. Know it and go to the grave with it.I'll say two more things:1. Bullying of gay/lesbian kids is twice as vicious as anything because those kids have to struggle with mainstream society telling them they're less then human, and religion has a big hand in this message, especially Christianity, which is supposed to be all about loving others as you love Jesus. I have students who are Christians and believe that they will go to hell. Talk about permanent damage to an innocent soul. There are things a suicidal teen can choose, yes, but sometimes the choice is tough: a lifetime of hurt or a quick death.2. There is a silver lining, a light at the end of the road. Those who suffer do acquire wisdom, compassion, and a short cut to enlightenment. Unlike in the movies, where the victims of bullying are always portrayed as becoming serial killers and monsters (as if to say, the bullies were right, they smelled the monster in the victim), many who were bullied as children become thoughtful, caring loving, and spiritually sensitive people. They are truly the "meek" that Christ talked about in his sermon, and the word is not meant to imply weakness, but rather a gentle connection to the whole, the unity of all living things. There is no question in my mind that those who survive become stronger for it, better people, wise men and women, leaders of souls, but never catch yourselves saying "It's because they did this to me that I am better." No. It's because you are better that they did this to you.

  2. >Neuroscience tells us the that adolescent brain isn't all there, literally. Huge swaths of processing ability not developed yet.We held a fund-raiser at our church for a local organization: For The Love of Larry. It as formed after a suicide that followed bullying. I don't know why the young man was bullied — that's not the issue the organization takes on. But I wonder if that young man could have seen this . . .Also, in my dark worry spot, I wonder about all the media coverage of these suicides, which must look like crack to the teenage brain. Like, I'll show them and be on the cover of People too. It's warped sad thinking — but entirely typical of that time.What I see might be a good thing about focusing on the aspect of LBGT teen bullying, is that the LGBT adult community is stepping forward specifically. Suicidal teens feel alone, and awfully special in that aloneness. Community breaks up that cycle. Community speaks truth.We grown-ups of all stripes need to step forward and be community for somebody — LGBT kids, geek kids, girl kids, boy kids, different kids who feel alone in the differentness. US culture has no such rituals, no way to be with your tribe. And we all need tribe.Yes, even the bullies, who are broken. They don't know what it is to be strong by themselves. And there are few roles models for this kind of power, the power that doesn't need to inflict itself.Rambling this morning. But this hit a nerve with me. Thanks to Abby and Delle for their thoughts.

  3. >Bravo! I completely agree with you. Of course, I am still smarting from the bullying I experienced in seventh grade (and like you, it was not because I was gay.) I also have memories of the bullying my youngest brother experienced, and he was gay.

  4. >I'm glad bullying is finally getting the attention it needs. I was bullied. My husband was bullied. My father was bullied. My brothers were bullied. My children were bullied. My grandchildren were bullied.You are absolutely right, it's not about being or not being gay. It's about being bullied. I had crooked teeth and was skinny. They'll always find something. Because they must have power over others, must be able to smash them, that being the only way they can feel like they matter. They DON'T matter. But how do you get a bullied kid to comprehend there's nothing wrong with them, and it's the bully who is broken?

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